Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Blog Azeroth Shared Topic: Rats and Turtles and Pinchy, Oh My!

StringTheory of Perish Twice has submitted this week's Blog Azeroth Shared Topic as follows:
(See other bloggers take on this topic here)
Fishing is an odd sort of minigame in WoW and people I've talked to either love it or hate it. So what's your take on the most grindy of sports?
If you love it: Why? Where's your favorite spot to go drop a line and veg while waiting for a strike?
If not: Why not? What would make it more fun? Or is there a way to make fishing fun?
And lastly, for those of you with hard-won turtles and rats and lobsters 'o doom—show 'em off!  (Because I'm proud of my stupid rat and darned if I'm not going to sneak my own screenshot in.)
This has prompted the following vignette:

There's nothing like fishing. Pulling on my waders and relaxing in the great outdoors, listening to the water lap against the shore, waiting for the excitement of that first nibble.

I think part of the reason I enjoy fishing so much is because it gives me a chance to unwind from the battles of the day. This is the same reason I like picking herbs and archaeological digs.

The one thing I dislike most about fishing is the bait. I hate spearing poor wriggling worms onto the hook. That's why I was so excited to find a Bone Fishing Pole in a Bag of Shiny Things. It may be a little creepy using a rod made of bones, but it comes with an unlimited supply of phantom worms pre-hooked. The fish seem to like it just as well as real bait, maybe even better.

Another one of the other reasons I enjoy fishing so much is because I love to eat fish, all kinds of fish. I'd go so far as to say it is my favorite kind of food, from Bristlewhisker Catfish to Golden Fishsticks. I like it all.

Mmmm... On that note, I'm off fishing. I'm hungry!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Big Bear Butt's Writing Challenge

Big Bear Butt has given us a challenge as follows:

I have a little creative writing challenge for you… purely for fun.

My challenge is simple.

Write a short story. I don’t care how short, or what kind of story, or even what form your story takes. BUT… your story, poem, dirty limerick or whatever you choose to do must incorporate within it in some way the following words;

  1. juicy
  2. slender
  3. vain
  4. shaft
  5. torch
  6. star
  7. hidden

Here is my offering:

It had been many years since she had visited this hidden grotto, her personal place to worship the goddess. She needed no torch to guide her in this dark place. Many years of visits had ingrained the details into her mind. Though now a druid in training, this former priestess had never forgotten her first calling. Now wearing her old but well preserved mooncloth robes, as though it was only yesterday that she had been expelled from the Temple.

It was after the Sundering, after the previous cataclysm, that she had been removed from the priesthood. Prior, priests of Elune had been able to cast arcane spells with the goddess' blessing. With the corruption of Lady Azshara and all that came with her lust for arcane power, use of these spells became taboo, and eventually were forbidden to the priests.

This priestess' favorite spell had been the one known as Star Shards, dropping bits of starlight down from the heavens to harm her enemies. She refused to stop using her arcane spells, and so she was stripped from the priesthood, but she never stopped worshipping Elune. Thankfully the druids were more tolerant and took her in.

She moves slowly and sensually, slender pale purple arms swaying rhythmically as she casts her spell, summoning a shaft of moonlight, the gift of Elune, purifying the area. The beauty of her movements and her dress, the pale blue of her robes accentuating the glow of her eyes, she knew would please the goddess, though she is not vain. She kneels and places her sacrifice on the altar, a bowl of juicy moonberries, and begins her prayer. She comes seeking guidance in her missionary work in the land once known as Draenor. Though the battle against the Legion in that world has been won, still it's corruption washes over the land.

The goddess is pleased by her offering and grants her strength in her mission to quell such corruption, her skin briefly glowing with blue-white light as Elune's blessing washes over her. She bows her head in silent thanks.

Monday, March 19, 2012

The sky is falling! Jaina's gonna die!

We interrupt your regularly scheduled vignette to bring you: OMG! Mists of Pandaria! Garrosh! WTFBBQ!11111

So full lore theory speculation incoming! If you don't want "spoilers" then "Run away, little girl, run away!"

Per the press release posted on MMO-Champions: "The war between the Alliance and Horde heats up as they roll into Pandaria, and it will serve as a major battleground, but things get so gnarly and out of control, and war crimes are committed by one side, it begins to spiral into crazyville. The final patch of Mists of Pandaria will be the Siege of Orgrimmar! Both factions, for various reasons, lay siege to the city to bring Garrosh down and end his reign of Warchief."

Like everyone else, I'm reeling from this news. What could Garrosh possibly do to turn his own faction against him? There has been some speculation. Rades has put forth some fascinating ideas that include the return of Anub-arak at Orcish Army Knife.

After much thought and conversation between myself and my partner in WoW-crime, we've come to a conclusion. What we believe can be the only conclusion.

Jaina's gonna die. What could possibly motivate the Horde (orcs included) to remove the mantle of Warchief from him? Garrosh kills Jaina after the sack of Theramore. Only Thrall could rally the orcs to move against their leader, and Thrall would not sit idle as one of his good friends is killed.

I'm less than pleased by this theory, and I'm praying to the Old Gods that it might not be so. But all signs point to this end. It just makes sense.

My only hope now is that she goes out in a blaze of fabulous magic glory, as she truly deserves.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

I'm going to Outlands!

I just ran away from home
I'm going to Out-lands
I just picked some herbs again
I'm going to Out-lands

I just robbed a goblin vendor
I'm going to Out-lands
And I just flipped off Varian Wrynn
I'm going to Out-lands!

It was terrifying, but awesome!

Edit: Apparently there is a large group of people who are not familiar with the dada song parodied in this post. Please let me know if you remember the song, or if for some reason it was only popular in the Midwest in the early 90s.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

The Sneezy Dwarf and the Burnwine

"Yer-choo!" comes from what you had first mistaken as a pile of furs piled high on a chair near the fireplace. As you gaze at it you are slowly able to discern a black beard and mustache now covered with snot. A muscular but stubby hand emerges from the furs and wipes at the facial hair.

"What ye dever see a dwarf with a cold before? Ye see dorbally I keeps beh beard ad boustaches ibbaculate, but sidce I got this here cold it had't beed so easy."

The hand returns to the folds of the furs and the entire pile shudders. "Dod't ye laugh! I got a chill!"

The apparently ill dwarf continues to mutter, "I'd be well by dow if it wasd't for the bloody goblid what called hisself a doctor! Shady goblids! Listed to yer elder, dod't ever trust a goblid what calls hisself a doctor. Fer that batter dod't ever trust a goblid period!"

At this point his angry mumblings become rather incoherent but you can make out a few words here and there which include "goblid jubper cables" and "ad I had't eved stopped breathigg!" 

The hand shoots out of the furs again and waves frantically and the dwarf yells, "Bahh! Dow I cure behself with a real dwarved cure! Bartedder! Bartedder! Brigg beh yer stroggest ale, ad bake it a double!"

The bartender rushes two small cups to the dwarf. As the dwarf grabs the first cup he says, "Bahh! That's all? I was expectigg subthigg a little bigger. Ah well, bottobs up!"

The bartender shrugs and walks away as the dwarf downs the first cup in one gulp, then sighs deeply before drinking the other down just as quick. Then he leans back and emits a massive belch and a puff of smoke.

The dwarf gasps and asks, "What was that?"

The bartender nonchalantly replies, "Caraway Burnwine, shipped special from Dalaran."

"Well if that did't burd up all the buggers id beh belly bakin be sick, well thed I dod't have ady idea what will!"

As you turn to leave you hear the dwarf whisper to the bartender, "Cad I get the dabe of yer codtact id Dalarad?"